The Sweetness of Grief

Grief transforms us.

How, depends on the individual.

Some, unfortunately, fall into an abyss by abusing alcohol, drug or food. Others, no longer able to discover life's joys, settle into a routine of continuous self-pity. A number of people, burdened with a lack of purpose in their own lives attempt squashing it out of others' through abrasive words and selfish actions.

Many recognize a transformation even when snared by the deepest recesses of grief. 
Possessing that knowledge does not grant instant relief. However, it does offer the best path for eventual healing.

Bitterness, in varying degrees, takes hold of most of us when loss occurs. Its weight can be crushing, until you are able to extract some sweetness from it.

Sweetness?

My heart is broken and my soul shattered, and I am to find a dulcet element here?

Unwashed grapes, dirty with dust, a few bugs and a spider web or two are not usually sweet to the taste during harvest.  A crushing, under great pressure, begins the wine-making process. What results after time is the transformation of those grapes into an object of pleasure.

When pangs of sadness and tentacles of grief threaten to pull you away from recovery - find a moment and think. 

Where during the grief-causing situation and its follow-up did I have courage? 

If it wasn't courage, perhaps it was compassion or selflessness?

It did not have to be a major event, but any place where a better you surfaced briefly.

Seize that time and build upon it.

Replicate the scenario or find another to empower yourself. Do not fear the love, kindness, patience and compassion that will arise.  The emotions salve your wounds and bind your broken heart to care again.

The pain's sharpness lessens and soon the sweetness of grief allows you to proceed healthier into your new life. 

One where hopefully joy and contentment are predominate emotions.

Expressing Sympathy at a Funeral

"I lost my brother," sobbed a stranger crying on my shoulder. "John was just like a brother to me. Do you know what I mean?"

"Uhhh, yes," I mumbled back rather incredulous.

After all, we were at the funeral of my only sibling.

Sharing words of comfort at a funeral is something many find an uneasy task.  Unfortunately, this discomfort often manifests itself into awkward statements to the bereaved. Instead soothing the grief-stricken, they are left feeling worse.

Here are a few other things to avoid:

He is in a better place.

She lived a good long time.  My neighbor's daughter died young.

Did the doctors give her any hope? 

You will get over it.

I know how you feel.  I lost my pet iguana last month.

It was his time.

How to express sympathy sincerely:

I am so sorry for your loss.

I fondly remember insert name of the deceased for his/her insert something like great belly laugh, love of karaoke or poker skills.

What an inspiration he/she was with their insert something like being a terrific father/mother.

I don’t know what to say, but I am here to help anytime you need.

You are in the thoughts and prayers.

Don’t say anything.  Instead, offer a hug.